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Articles by Bari Berkowitz
"Stop Your Inner Critic: 5 Steps to banishing negative self-talk!"
Recently, I consulted with a woman in her early forties who was trying to make some positive life changes. During one session, as she processed her resistance to change, I became aware of what was holding her back - her inner critic. We all have one! It's the little voice in our head that obstructs or destroys progress towards our goals. It may sound like this, "Who do you think you are?" or "You can't do that!" or maybe, "You better take the safe road.... You could fail." Our inner critic has a way of stopping us from enjoying life, it minimizes our strength and power and worst of all, robs us of our confidence. What should you do about it? Become aware of it, understand it and get rid of it! Becoming aware of how you talk to yourself could be a very important step to living a happier, more effective life. Here are five ways to deal with your inner critic.
- Catch Yourself! Monitor your thinking for two days. Write down your most common critical thoughts. Ask yourself, "Would I get away with speaking to others the way I speak to myself?" What is the theme of the criticism?
- Imagine a STOP SIGN! Each time you feel yourself buying into your negative self-talk...see RED! Say to yourself, "Stop! This is unproductive!" and banish the thought.
- Identify the Critic's Voice! Who is it? Is this the voice of someone in your past? Perhaps a teacher, parent or sibling? Or is it the frightened part of you? If so, take the steps to deal with the pain of your childhood and let it go!
- Develop more realistic self-talk! Nurture yourself with words like "This too shall pass and my life will be better", "Others people's opinions are just their opinions" or " My past does not control my future."
- Set good intentions each day! When you wake up in the morning, set aside ten minutes to think about how you will treat yourself today. Intend to honor where you are in your life and definitely practice healthy self-acceptance.
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